Boredom Reduces Happiness

Did you know that boredom could reduce your level of happiness? Yep, it can. Think about it. How many times have you completed a routine task or even made it through a portion of your day only to realize you don't remember most of it? It happens a lot, right? So, I have an assignment for you. Before going to bed tonight, write a list of five routine things you do every day that you will change for the rest of the week. It may be your route to work, the coffee you drink, your lunch spot or lunch time, or maybe even part your hair on the other side for a few days. Write down those five things before you go to bed and check them off each day you complete them. This task will require you to engage your brain more than usual thereby reducing boredom and increasing your likely hood for more happy moments in your day. Go ahead – shake things up and let me know how it goes.

Life doesn't have to be easy to still be happy

As we go through life, we will hit hard times and we will feel pain and sadness. Because we are human, we can experience those feelings and express how we feel.  It is important to understand that even at the worst of times, the happiest among us remain happy at the core.  What distinguishes a truly happy person from another not-so-happy person is the ability the happy person has to recognize the negative situation, own the feelings he or she is experiencing and then make a conscious decision to focus on those things that bring happiness.  Essentially, that person replaces the negative feelings with ones that are positive.  Some may think that the person who is happy when they should be in despair is delusional or does not want to accept their reality.  Your reality does not have to dictate your disposition.  If you are down and out and things are looking bad, by focusing on the negative and the gloom you are not going to get yourself out of the mess you are in.  You need to focus on remaining happy, and through your positive attitude, great things will come. 

Let me ask you this:  If you see two homeless people asking for money on the side of the street and one of them is being nasty and spiteful to those passing by, the other one is smiling and cheerful, which one would you be more inclined to help?  You would feel more compelled to help the happier one because that person is sending out a positive vibe and it will make you feel better to help that person.  Now, think about yourself for a moment.  If you are going through a hard time, your attitude and perspective on life and your current state will show through.  If you are positive and upbeat, people in the position to help will be drawn to you and will be more inclined to help you and your situation.   

You may not always have control of your situation, but you do have control of your emotions.  It is possible to be in a bad situation or point in your life and still be happy.  It is up to you to look for the good in everything and commit yourself to being happy even when things get tough.

Faith, Hope and Happiness

How can a person feel happy when the world seems like it is falling apart and cascading down around them and they feel like they are stuck in an avalanche unable to run? I know there are many people who feel this way right now. They feel discouraged, stuck, and paralyzed by fear. They are afraid of losing their job, their benefits, their home, car, etc. How can a person in a situation like that have any hope for feeling happy? There is hope and when there is hope, there can be happiness. The happiness I am referring to is not tied to the desperation and fear one is feeling – it is tied to the hope and faith that through the right actions things will get better.

There have been several points in my life when things looked bad for me. At one point, I went from having a housekeeper to being a housekeeper almost overnight. I could barely feed my daughter and I found out just how creative I could be with the small amount of money and resources we had. During that time though, I remained positive and happy. I could have been miserable and I could have gotten away with it. If I allowed myself to get down in the dumps, certainly everyone would have understood why. They would have been right there commiserating with me as I dug myself deeper in self-pity. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me to take the negative route. Instead, I decided to make a game out of the situation. Every time something came up, like a bill or a broken down car or an empty refrigerator, I would come up with a plan and I would get to working on executing it. As I faced numerous obstacles, I found myself laughing when I should have been in tears, because I knew deep down that this was only a test. I even repeated to myself the public service address, “This is a test. This only a test.” I owed it to myself and to my daughter to remain positive and determined to get us back on our feet. I fought the battles and I am sure I shed a few tears along the way, but at the end of the day, I went to bed happy and proud of myself for not allowing another situation to defeat me.

I knew things would get better and when I came out the other side, I would be stronger and wiser. From it, I learned there is nothing I cannot do. I stayed happy because sad did not appeal to me. Sad is not productive. Sadness deteriorates hope. Hope is what we all need to survive even in the worst of times. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel and it brings faith. Faith is what provides us with power greater than us. I have always found happiness in knowing that everything happens for a reason and through hope and faith and a little hard work, I will pull through gloriously.
When life is throwing massive crap balls at you – you have a choice. Stand there and take the direct hits or do your best to dodge it. No matter what, you will get crap on you occasionally. When you find yourself in a mess, laugh it off and figure out a way to get out of it. Have faith that no matter how bad it looks right now it will get better. You will get through it. We always do.

Make the decision to be happy no matter how bad things are around you. You will gain strength in happiness. You will also draw the right people to you when you have a happy demeanor. Especially when you are down and struggling, positive and proactive people is what you need to help you through it all.

Through hope, faith and action you can get through the hardest of times and remain happy along the way. I know you can!

What is your face telling the world?

Have you ever walked down the street or through the supermarket with a million and one things on your mind and you realize you have the ugliest scrunched up scowl on your face? You know the look I am talking about. The kind of look that screams, “Don’t bother me; you may be my next victim!” It happens when you get so caught-up in everything you have going on, the tension mounts until you can feel your shoulders tensed up all the way under your earlobes and you notice the innocent fellow shoppers are afraid to make eye contact with you. Okay, so I am exaggerating just a little here, but you understand what I’m talking about, right? I don’t usually get that bad myself. I could though - I am capable of it. Aren’t we all?

Do you know how to prevent that painful, scary look? Smile. It is that simple. If you make it a point to smile at others, you will instantly feel better. I make it a point to smile when I am running errands. I do not like to run errands. Almost hate it in fact. In order to enjoy it more, I go out of my way to smile at others and even strike up conversations with strangers. It is about the only thing that makes the running around bearable for me. I get through my errands and find out interesting bits of information about others and before I know it, I am done with my errands. Lovely.

As you go about your daily activities, notice what your face is telling the world. Remind yourself to smile and make the best of every moment. This takes self-awareness and requires you to step outside yourself, but the rewards are worth it. You will find you enjoyed your day so much better and you may be preventing wrinkles while you are at it.

Smile!

Goal Setting and Happiness

Goal: Be Happy. Is it really possible to make “Be Happy” a goal? If so, how? I do think you can set happiness as a goal, just as if you would set a goal to attain any other worthwhile goal. To be fair though, the actual process of setting that goal may not be as easy as say, losing 10 pounds or running a 5k race. Before we begin the goal setting process, let’s explore some definitions and schools of thought on both happiness and goal setting.

Both Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster Dictionary broadly define Happiness as a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

Wikipedia defines Goal Setting as long-term vision with short-term motivation. It focuses intention, desire, acquisition of knowledge, and helps to organize resources. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a goal as the end toward which effort is directed.

Since happiness is a state of mind and the mind is ever changing, adapting and evolving according to our life experiences - so is our state of happiness. It is important to be clear that achieving and sustaining a constant state of happiness is all but impossible.

So, how can you set a goal to achieve something that is nearly impossible to reach? Well, you can start by setting a goal to achieve a higher baseline level of happiness than where you are today. According to research done by University of Minnesota, about 50% of one’s satisfaction with life comes from genetic programming or your genetic make-up. That means that your natural disposition to view the glass as half-full or half-empty is largely dependent on your genes. In working with depressed patients, Dr. Aaron T. Beck, President of the non-profit Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research, and University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, found that those who are depressed experienced what he calls “automatic thoughts.” He discovered that these thoughts seemed to pop up spontaneously and the thought content fell into three categories: negative ideas about themselves, the world and the future. Dr. Beck began helping patients identify and evaluate their thoughts and found that by doing so, patients were able to think more realistically, which led them to feel better emotionally and behave more functionally. The trick is to catch yourself having the thought, identify it as negative and then learn to change your distorted thinking to thinking that is more realistic. This requires consistency and a behavioral change.

This means that if your happiness baseline is naturally low, you can make it a goal to improve your disposition. It will take effort. If you are one of the lucky ones born with the glass half-full perspective, then you too can set a goal to enhance your level of happiness. You may be able to take it to a new level and set a goal to help others be happy. In either case, goals you are truly committed to achieving and you believe you can attain will be the goals you most likely will achieve. There is a catch – and that catch is that you must then do a minimum amount of work to maintain your new level of happiness. To continue to grow and improve you may also need to set new goals for yourself.

If you decide you want to set happiness as a goal, you need to define what success will look like once you have achieved your goal. This will require you to start with defining what your new level of happiness will look and feel like to you. Because we are all unique individuals, the feeling of happiness is different and distinctive to every person. That which brings joy or pleasure to one person may absolutely repulse another. Unless you have a clear vision of what you want, you will not achieve it. Since happiness is a state of mind, defining it may be the most difficult part of setting this goal. Some small examples of feeling happy may be that you find you have a more positive outlook on things or the ability to find the good in a situation even when others cannot. You may also find that you have a little pep in your step and more energy throughout the day. Being more engaged in what you do and finding ways to make your life feel more meaningful are other ways of finding an increased level of happiness. To help you with this exercise, you can also draw upon previous times or moments in your life where you could say, “I am happy” and then write down what about that experience made you feel that way.

Setting and achieving the goal:

If your overarching goal is to be happy - and you have defined what happy looks and feels like for you, then it is now time to bring it to life just as you would any other goals you set out to achieve. Here are six steps to help you get started on attaining happiness:

1. Write down your goal ‘as if’ you have already achieved it – This may require some creative writing skills, but the idea here is to write down how you will feel once you have achieved the goal. Example: I am proud of myself for the ability to remain positive and happy even when things around me are challenging.

2. Add it to your daily task (to-do) list - Recommit to your goal every day. You will find that your focus and efforts will become habitual over time and may not require the level of effort you have to put forth in the beginning.

3. Find ways to get more pleasure out of life – Do things that make you happy. If music makes you happy, listen to your favorite tunes daily. If your dog makes you happy, take time each day to play, snuggle or otherwise interact with your dog. If volunteer work makes you happy, find a cause you feel passionate about and schedule time to get involved. Whatever it is that brings you moments of joy – do it daily.

4. Post your goal where you can see it - Read it several times a day. Make it a priority and a habit.

5. Visualize it – Even reading the words happy, smile, and fun or seeing pictures of people smiling and doing things you associate with fun will immediately elevate your mood. If you have not created your vision board yet, now may be the time and make sure you incorporate happiness into your vision.

6. Review and evaluate your commitment to your overarching goal regularly - Remember, your goal needs to energize you. It needs to excite you. You will not put the work in to do something in which you are not personally invested. Goal setting requires motivation and personal investment into the achievement of the goal. Ask yourself if you are you committed, excited, and energized by your goal? If the goal is worthwhile, you will find a way to achieve it.

People who set goals are more likely to succeed than people who do not. Therefore, I believe that if you find yourself in a place in life where you desire a higher level of happiness, what better way to get there than by starting with a goal. You deserve happiness – you are worthy of happiness.

To achieve happiness, we should make certain that we are never without an important goal. - Earl Nightingale

Spring Renewal

For many of us the spring season signifies a time of de-cluttering, getting rid of the junk we do not need any more, having yard sales, and deep cleaning the house. We also freshen up our flowerbeds and yards by pulling out or killing off the weeds, planting new flowers and watering it to stimulate new growth and vibrant color. This spring, why not do all of these things (figuratively) within yourself as well?

I encourage you to take some alone time to get inside yourself to sort out some of those thoughts and feelings you are carrying around inside you that are taking up precious space. The things I am referring to are old wounds, doubts, and self-defeating thoughts that are restricting your positive flow of energy and preventing creativity. Here’s a small exercise to help with this: Just like preparing for a yard sale, go through all you ‘stuff’ and separate it all by writing it down in two columns – one is the Keep column and the other is the Release column . Now, take that piece of paper and cut it down the middle vertically so the columns are separate. In a yard sale, you would try to sell your old stuff. Haven’t we been doing that with the stuff on this list for many years anyway, through blame and pity? Haven’t we been trying for years to sell other people on why we are the way we are and deriving our sales pitch content from this Release list? The Release list is the foundation for far too many people. In this case, we don’t want to sell this stuff, we want to haul it off to the dump where it will mingle with everyone else’s unwanted junk and eventually rot away. So, take your Release list, wad it up, shred it, burn it… whatever your preferred method of disposal is, and get rid of it - for good!

Now that you have made room, it is time to freshen up your mind and spirit and plant some new colorful thoughts, dreams and goals. Again, taking out a piece of paper, write down a list of the three main areas of your life in which you want to focus positive energy. For example, this may be family, friends, spirituality, or career or whatever else pops into your mind and heart. This list will be the things in your life you will tend to and focus on so that they will grow and flourish. You will need to care for these things just as you would tend to a garden. It may be important from time to time to weed out the negative things or people in your life so that they do not choke off and kill of your dreams and desires. You will need to nurture your dreams by surrounding yourself with positive people and input. Associate with people who are happy and have a healthy optimistic outlook on life. Read books and listen to speakers who motivate and encourage you to be your best self. The more you fill your mind with positive and uplifting self-talk and thinking, the less opportunity all those old things from your Release list will have to resurface. Just like a garden, if you let it go and do not maintain it, the weeds will come back, the flowers will die and you will have to work extra hard to get it back in shape again. Take stock regularly of the amount of clutter you have accumulated and the vitality of your garden. If you picked up new junk, let it go before it adds up. If the flowers in your garden are losing color, add a little positive input into your life.

As your garden flourishes there will be a point in which you can pick from it and give others in your life beautiful and fragrant bouquets of flowers by becoming one of those people others gravitate to because you make them feel good. You will become that positive and uplifting person you were looking to be around yourself. You may also be able to help others simplify and de-clutter their life and begin to tend to their own flower beds of happiness. It is in giving that you achieve prize-winning flowers.

Focus on the light

Recently someone asked me how I have managed to stay positive even in the most trying times in my life. It seemed like an easy question and I quickly replied by saying I made a decision to be happy and left it at that. Later I began to think about it more and started digging a little deeper inside myself to see how it is that I have found the strength to choose happiness even when times were really bleak. Here is a little of what I have been thinking…

I do believe that there are or will be times in our life when we have to muster the strength to rise above the darkness so that we can move forward in life. It is like finding yourself in a long dark tunnel and all you can see is a tiny pin of light at the end. You can barely see the light, but you know it is there. You trudge through the tunnel, sometimes bumping into walls or tripping over things, but you keep going with your focus on the light and continue to move forward. As you are moving along through the darkness, your eyes get tired from straining to remain focused and you decide to take a break and rest your eyes for a little while. What happens when you open your eyes when you are ready to move forward again? You cannot see the light clearly and you have to intensify your focus until that light becomes clear once again. This may happen several times during your journey, but each time you make the decision to focus and continue to move ahead. Each time it will be easier for you to regain your focus because you are that much closer to the light and it is bigger and brighter now. As you get closer to the end of the tunnel you begin to move a little faster and you take less breaks because you know you are almost there and do not want to stop. Eventually you will get to the end and step out of darkness and into the bright light. You may emerge with a few bumps and bruises and may even find yourself wanting to duck back into the darkness and out of the bright light. Nevertheless, you know your bruises will heal and your eyes will adjust and you will find happiness in it.

Let me ask you this - What kept you moving forward? Was it the light at the end of the tunnel or was it actually faith and hope? Does that light at the end of the tunnel signify an expectation of something, anything better than the darkness? I think it is the belief that things will be better in the end, but right now, in the moment, you know you must keep moving forward or you will never know what lies ahead. That belief requires a tremendous amount of strength and trust. You may stumble and you may need to rest, but you must keep moving forward anyway and you make it through!

I have had my fair share of tunnels to pass through in life and each time I knew I would get through it a stronger and better person for it. You know, as I look back at the darkest days of my life, I seem to really only clearly remember the best parts of it. Call it selective memory if you want, I will accept that – gladly.
Are you in a tunnel right now? Do you know someone who is and may need your help? We can help others see the light at the end of the tunnel and help them understand that with hope, faith and strength they will get through and can find peace and happiness at the other end.

May your journeys be more in the light than the darkness.