Goal Setting and Happiness

Goal: Be Happy. Is it really possible to make “Be Happy” a goal? If so, how? I do think you can set happiness as a goal, just as if you would set a goal to attain any other worthwhile goal. To be fair though, the actual process of setting that goal may not be as easy as say, losing 10 pounds or running a 5k race. Before we begin the goal setting process, let’s explore some definitions and schools of thought on both happiness and goal setting.

Both Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster Dictionary broadly define Happiness as a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

Wikipedia defines Goal Setting as long-term vision with short-term motivation. It focuses intention, desire, acquisition of knowledge, and helps to organize resources. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a goal as the end toward which effort is directed.

Since happiness is a state of mind and the mind is ever changing, adapting and evolving according to our life experiences - so is our state of happiness. It is important to be clear that achieving and sustaining a constant state of happiness is all but impossible.

So, how can you set a goal to achieve something that is nearly impossible to reach? Well, you can start by setting a goal to achieve a higher baseline level of happiness than where you are today. According to research done by University of Minnesota, about 50% of one’s satisfaction with life comes from genetic programming or your genetic make-up. That means that your natural disposition to view the glass as half-full or half-empty is largely dependent on your genes. In working with depressed patients, Dr. Aaron T. Beck, President of the non-profit Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research, and University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, found that those who are depressed experienced what he calls “automatic thoughts.” He discovered that these thoughts seemed to pop up spontaneously and the thought content fell into three categories: negative ideas about themselves, the world and the future. Dr. Beck began helping patients identify and evaluate their thoughts and found that by doing so, patients were able to think more realistically, which led them to feel better emotionally and behave more functionally. The trick is to catch yourself having the thought, identify it as negative and then learn to change your distorted thinking to thinking that is more realistic. This requires consistency and a behavioral change.

This means that if your happiness baseline is naturally low, you can make it a goal to improve your disposition. It will take effort. If you are one of the lucky ones born with the glass half-full perspective, then you too can set a goal to enhance your level of happiness. You may be able to take it to a new level and set a goal to help others be happy. In either case, goals you are truly committed to achieving and you believe you can attain will be the goals you most likely will achieve. There is a catch – and that catch is that you must then do a minimum amount of work to maintain your new level of happiness. To continue to grow and improve you may also need to set new goals for yourself.

If you decide you want to set happiness as a goal, you need to define what success will look like once you have achieved your goal. This will require you to start with defining what your new level of happiness will look and feel like to you. Because we are all unique individuals, the feeling of happiness is different and distinctive to every person. That which brings joy or pleasure to one person may absolutely repulse another. Unless you have a clear vision of what you want, you will not achieve it. Since happiness is a state of mind, defining it may be the most difficult part of setting this goal. Some small examples of feeling happy may be that you find you have a more positive outlook on things or the ability to find the good in a situation even when others cannot. You may also find that you have a little pep in your step and more energy throughout the day. Being more engaged in what you do and finding ways to make your life feel more meaningful are other ways of finding an increased level of happiness. To help you with this exercise, you can also draw upon previous times or moments in your life where you could say, “I am happy” and then write down what about that experience made you feel that way.

Setting and achieving the goal:

If your overarching goal is to be happy - and you have defined what happy looks and feels like for you, then it is now time to bring it to life just as you would any other goals you set out to achieve. Here are six steps to help you get started on attaining happiness:

1. Write down your goal ‘as if’ you have already achieved it – This may require some creative writing skills, but the idea here is to write down how you will feel once you have achieved the goal. Example: I am proud of myself for the ability to remain positive and happy even when things around me are challenging.

2. Add it to your daily task (to-do) list - Recommit to your goal every day. You will find that your focus and efforts will become habitual over time and may not require the level of effort you have to put forth in the beginning.

3. Find ways to get more pleasure out of life – Do things that make you happy. If music makes you happy, listen to your favorite tunes daily. If your dog makes you happy, take time each day to play, snuggle or otherwise interact with your dog. If volunteer work makes you happy, find a cause you feel passionate about and schedule time to get involved. Whatever it is that brings you moments of joy – do it daily.

4. Post your goal where you can see it - Read it several times a day. Make it a priority and a habit.

5. Visualize it – Even reading the words happy, smile, and fun or seeing pictures of people smiling and doing things you associate with fun will immediately elevate your mood. If you have not created your vision board yet, now may be the time and make sure you incorporate happiness into your vision.

6. Review and evaluate your commitment to your overarching goal regularly - Remember, your goal needs to energize you. It needs to excite you. You will not put the work in to do something in which you are not personally invested. Goal setting requires motivation and personal investment into the achievement of the goal. Ask yourself if you are you committed, excited, and energized by your goal? If the goal is worthwhile, you will find a way to achieve it.

People who set goals are more likely to succeed than people who do not. Therefore, I believe that if you find yourself in a place in life where you desire a higher level of happiness, what better way to get there than by starting with a goal. You deserve happiness – you are worthy of happiness.

To achieve happiness, we should make certain that we are never without an important goal. - Earl Nightingale

Spring Renewal

For many of us the spring season signifies a time of de-cluttering, getting rid of the junk we do not need any more, having yard sales, and deep cleaning the house. We also freshen up our flowerbeds and yards by pulling out or killing off the weeds, planting new flowers and watering it to stimulate new growth and vibrant color. This spring, why not do all of these things (figuratively) within yourself as well?

I encourage you to take some alone time to get inside yourself to sort out some of those thoughts and feelings you are carrying around inside you that are taking up precious space. The things I am referring to are old wounds, doubts, and self-defeating thoughts that are restricting your positive flow of energy and preventing creativity. Here’s a small exercise to help with this: Just like preparing for a yard sale, go through all you ‘stuff’ and separate it all by writing it down in two columns – one is the Keep column and the other is the Release column . Now, take that piece of paper and cut it down the middle vertically so the columns are separate. In a yard sale, you would try to sell your old stuff. Haven’t we been doing that with the stuff on this list for many years anyway, through blame and pity? Haven’t we been trying for years to sell other people on why we are the way we are and deriving our sales pitch content from this Release list? The Release list is the foundation for far too many people. In this case, we don’t want to sell this stuff, we want to haul it off to the dump where it will mingle with everyone else’s unwanted junk and eventually rot away. So, take your Release list, wad it up, shred it, burn it… whatever your preferred method of disposal is, and get rid of it - for good!

Now that you have made room, it is time to freshen up your mind and spirit and plant some new colorful thoughts, dreams and goals. Again, taking out a piece of paper, write down a list of the three main areas of your life in which you want to focus positive energy. For example, this may be family, friends, spirituality, or career or whatever else pops into your mind and heart. This list will be the things in your life you will tend to and focus on so that they will grow and flourish. You will need to care for these things just as you would tend to a garden. It may be important from time to time to weed out the negative things or people in your life so that they do not choke off and kill of your dreams and desires. You will need to nurture your dreams by surrounding yourself with positive people and input. Associate with people who are happy and have a healthy optimistic outlook on life. Read books and listen to speakers who motivate and encourage you to be your best self. The more you fill your mind with positive and uplifting self-talk and thinking, the less opportunity all those old things from your Release list will have to resurface. Just like a garden, if you let it go and do not maintain it, the weeds will come back, the flowers will die and you will have to work extra hard to get it back in shape again. Take stock regularly of the amount of clutter you have accumulated and the vitality of your garden. If you picked up new junk, let it go before it adds up. If the flowers in your garden are losing color, add a little positive input into your life.

As your garden flourishes there will be a point in which you can pick from it and give others in your life beautiful and fragrant bouquets of flowers by becoming one of those people others gravitate to because you make them feel good. You will become that positive and uplifting person you were looking to be around yourself. You may also be able to help others simplify and de-clutter their life and begin to tend to their own flower beds of happiness. It is in giving that you achieve prize-winning flowers.

Focus on the light

Recently someone asked me how I have managed to stay positive even in the most trying times in my life. It seemed like an easy question and I quickly replied by saying I made a decision to be happy and left it at that. Later I began to think about it more and started digging a little deeper inside myself to see how it is that I have found the strength to choose happiness even when times were really bleak. Here is a little of what I have been thinking…

I do believe that there are or will be times in our life when we have to muster the strength to rise above the darkness so that we can move forward in life. It is like finding yourself in a long dark tunnel and all you can see is a tiny pin of light at the end. You can barely see the light, but you know it is there. You trudge through the tunnel, sometimes bumping into walls or tripping over things, but you keep going with your focus on the light and continue to move forward. As you are moving along through the darkness, your eyes get tired from straining to remain focused and you decide to take a break and rest your eyes for a little while. What happens when you open your eyes when you are ready to move forward again? You cannot see the light clearly and you have to intensify your focus until that light becomes clear once again. This may happen several times during your journey, but each time you make the decision to focus and continue to move ahead. Each time it will be easier for you to regain your focus because you are that much closer to the light and it is bigger and brighter now. As you get closer to the end of the tunnel you begin to move a little faster and you take less breaks because you know you are almost there and do not want to stop. Eventually you will get to the end and step out of darkness and into the bright light. You may emerge with a few bumps and bruises and may even find yourself wanting to duck back into the darkness and out of the bright light. Nevertheless, you know your bruises will heal and your eyes will adjust and you will find happiness in it.

Let me ask you this - What kept you moving forward? Was it the light at the end of the tunnel or was it actually faith and hope? Does that light at the end of the tunnel signify an expectation of something, anything better than the darkness? I think it is the belief that things will be better in the end, but right now, in the moment, you know you must keep moving forward or you will never know what lies ahead. That belief requires a tremendous amount of strength and trust. You may stumble and you may need to rest, but you must keep moving forward anyway and you make it through!

I have had my fair share of tunnels to pass through in life and each time I knew I would get through it a stronger and better person for it. You know, as I look back at the darkest days of my life, I seem to really only clearly remember the best parts of it. Call it selective memory if you want, I will accept that – gladly.
Are you in a tunnel right now? Do you know someone who is and may need your help? We can help others see the light at the end of the tunnel and help them understand that with hope, faith and strength they will get through and can find peace and happiness at the other end.

May your journeys be more in the light than the darkness.