Do unto yourself before you can do for others

The title looks a little strange, doesn't it? The Golden Rule (ethic of reciprocity) is a common principle in ancient Greek philosophy and states “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I’m taking a twist on this age-old rule as it relates to happiness.

Simply put - you cannot give to others what you do not have. You cannot give five dollars to someone if you do not have five dollars yourself and you really cannot share happiness with others unless you have happiness yourself. You need to obtain some degree of happiness so you know what it is, what it feels like, and how you got there and then you can do for others. Many people believe that the path to happiness is by doing for others. They believe that through giving, donating, supporting, and helping they will feel better about themselves and therefore be happy. What generally happens is that the person who searches for happiness by solely giving of their time, efforts, and resources begins to feel drained and resentful. This happens because that person did not have his or her own full happiness tank to draw from. Think about it this way… if you are driving down the road with your gas gauge approaching E and you come across a stranded driver who is completely out of gas, you cannot give that other driver much of your own gas, if any, or you yourself will now be out of gas too. If you make the decision to give the small amount of gas you have away and the other person drives off, neither one of you will make it far before you both become stranded. So, take a proactive look at this. If you had been driving down the road and made the choice to fill your gas tank before you got too low, you would have enough gas in your tank to share with the stranded driver and you could both make it to the next filling station to fill up your tanks. Do you see how this works?

It is important for you to find ways to fill your happiness tank, but many of us do not take the time to do it or maybe they do not know how. If this is the case for you, then you have work to do. You need to identify in life that which makes you happy and then do it. If you do not do it for yourself, you cannot do it for others in the long-term. First, it is important to understand what happiness is before you can achieve it. Happiness is considered a feeling of well-being or contentment and is often times confused with giddy joy or tied to a specific event or point in time. You can experience a specific event that makes you laugh and feel happy, but I want you to find those things that you can do for yourself that help you achieve a sustainable state of happiness. For me, I am happiest when I feel healthy and fit and to achieve that I choose to do physical activities like aerobics and I try to eat healthfully. I can be feeling low and depleted, but a good workout can boost my energy and top-off my happiness tank quickly. I then have the energy and the desire to do for others and then feel even more exhilarated. I also know that every few months I need to attend some sort of event or symposium with other like-minded positive and uplifting people. Those types of events are a super-charge for me and I take away reserves that I can share with others without even tapping into my own full tank. Whatever it is that fills your happiness tank – find it and do it and then, and only then, can you share it with others.

If you take the time to fill your happiness tank first and then give it to others, you will never run dry because with each good deed you will continue to add to your own happiness. Do unto yourself as you would do to others.

Please share your comments about how you fill your happiness tank.

Stedman Graham loves The World Needs More Happy!

I had the exciting opportunity to spend some time with Stedman Graham today and shared the More Happy mission and website with him. It was refreshing to be around someone of his stature who is so down 
to Earth. Stedman agrees that the world does need more happy and
wishes us the best in making it happen! Thanks Stedman!

Your values and happiness

Ask a person what they most want in life and most people will say, “To be happy.” Ask a person what it will take them to reach happiness and you will probably be met with a blank stare or a quick reply of a list of things or possessions. It is common to think a brand new sports car, a house in the right neighborhood, or a Swiss made designer watch will be the thing that finally brings us happiness and yet as many people who have achieved those things know, you do not attain long-term happiness with what you have. The fact is that most people experience an increased level of stress as their material possessions or assets increase, thereby decreasing their overall level of true and lasting happiness. In order to realize a lasting state of happiness and contentment we need to dig deeper into our own personal core value system to discover what matters to us on a fundamental level and then work from there.
Discovering your core values – sounds easy, right? Let’s try something right now. Take out a piece of paper and write down your top ten core values. Remember that core values are those things that you feel are important to you, but are not material in nature. An example of a value is Family. The value is Family and to live according to that value you would spend more time with your kids. Take about five minutes to come up with your top ten - Go!
How did you do? For some this might have been a little bit of a stretch. It is common for us to focus on the things we want to have and confuse those with what we value most. The point is that many people do not really know what they truly value in life and there is a tremendous amount of confusion going on in the world about the difference between values and valuables. Values are internal and valuables are external. Happiness comes from inside (internal).
Once you have a solid list of your values, it is important to decide how you need to live in order to honor and respect your values. Using another example, if Health is one of your top values then you need to make nourishing food choices and incorporate exercise into your daily life to live in accordance with that value. We make hundreds of decisions a day and each time we decide to live in alignment with our values we also increase our potential for a higher level of happiness. Think of it sort-of like the scales of justice – you know the kind of scale with two sides. Think of one side as your happiness plane and the other side as your values plane. The more you add to your values side the higher your happiness side will rise. As you go through your daily life, consider how your decisions affect your happiness scale. Add to your values side and watch your happiness side increase. Act in contradiction with your values and your happiness will diminish. It is a simple concept, but the work is in determining your values and choosing to live every day with your values as your top priority.
You will see that as you continue to live with your values as top-of-mind you will feel more fulfilled and less focused on superficial trappings. Be proud of yourself for doing the work and being true yourself and watch your happiness soar!

Spinning Wheel-Getting caught up in the spin cycle of life

Are you running through life barely keeping up, just going through the motions and doing your best to get it all done? For most of us that is our life - keeping up a frantic pace so we can check off another 'to-do' or get through another meeting, attend another school function with our kids and on it goes. Often times we love to share that long list of things we have to do, places we need to be or how much we've accomplished and how difficult it all is as if we deserve some sort of prize for our crazy hectic life. We get caught up in the whining and complaining, others rush to join in and add their own list of injustices, and so it goes with many more conversations day in and day out. In reality an award or praise is really what we all crave. We want and we need recognition and appreciation and most of us do not even know it. We want a nice home, a decent car and a beautiful family, and we want others to notice and tell us how wonderful it all is. We live in constant fear that if we don't keep up the pace we will lose it all and our identity along with it.

There will be times when you crash. You will lose. You will fail. You may just burn yourself out. Then what? Well, you get back up and get going again, but how about slowing it down a bit this next time and stop the whining while you're at it. I learned this valuable lesson from my dad. A few years ago, I was working at a frantic pace, my family commitments were in high gear with my daughter in her senior year in high school, and my husband’s new business was just taking off. One evening I was talking with my mom on the phone while my dad listened in on the other line. I was going through the long list of things I had to do and places I had to be and the injustice of it all when my dad, who is a man of few words calmly said, "Don't let your spinning wheels drive you crazy." I was stunned. Immediately that old song Spinning Wheel, by Blood, Sweat & Tears popped into my head. I knew the song, but I didn't really know what it meant - so of course I Googled it. As you read these lyrics below, ask yourself how the meaning of each verse applies to you and your life.

What goes up must come down
spinning wheel got to go round
Talking about your troubles it's a crying sin
Ride a painted pony
Let the spinning wheel spin

You got no money, and you, you got no home
Spinning wheel all alone
Talking about your troubles and you, you never learn
Ride a painted pony
let the spinning wheel turn

Did you find a directing sign
on the straight and narrow highway?
Would you mind a reflecting sign
Just let it shine within your mind
And show you the colors that are real

Someone is waiting just for you
spinning wheel is spinning true
Drop all your troubles, by the river side
Catch a painted pony
On the spinning wheel ride

Someone is waiting just for you
spinning wheel is spinning true
Drop all your troubles, by the river side
Ride a painted pony
Let the spinning wheel fly

Blood, Sweat & Tears band member and vocalist David Clayton-Thomas, wrote Spinning Wheel. Clayton-Thomas was quoted as describing the song as being "written in an age when psychedelic imagery was all over lyrics...(i)t was my way of saying, 'Don't get too caught up, because everything comes full circle'."

It goes to show you that life-changing events do not have to be huge. Your life or at least your current version of life can change with one simple statement or event. The statement "Don't let your spinning wheels drive you crazy" from my dad and the lyrics from Spinning Wheel changed my outlook on life in so many ways. I now monitor myself and when I feel caught up in the spin cycle of life I step back and evaluate things. I take the time to reflect upon what is important and fits with my values. Mostly, I slow down and look for the direction signs that shake me and guide me through life. I know there are many precious and happy moments I let pass me by over the years because my focus was on all the busy work in front of me. I will never get that time back, but thankfully I learned my lesson and now I make a conscious effort to slow down, stay in the present and focus on what is real and valuable to me.

I have also learned to share all the good and positive of my day and leave the icky, gory details out of it. Negativity is reinforced by reliving it and what you focus on expands. You want to focus on the positive, happy details of your day and be grateful for them. Even if the happy moments are the smallest part of your day, remember them and celebrate them later in conversations. You will begin to notice more and more people will want to be around you because your positive attitude and happier disposition will draw them in. Like attracts like.

Take it easy on yourself and enjoy all the small moments in your life because they add up significantly. Focus on what makes you feel good and increases your overall happiness. Find the 'Happiness Opportunities' and celebrate them!

Please take a moment to listen to Spinning Wheel here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T97f2kBzOQ

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Your thoughts and comments are welcome. Thank you!