What you say is what you get

Don't think about a purple elephant.

Don't think about a red rose.

Don't think about being sad.

By now you have thought about all three of the things I told you not to think about. Over the next few days I can bet you will either see one or all three of these things - and hopefully it will not be a real life sad purple elephant holding a red rose in his trunk! Let me know immediately if this happens!

Now let's do this make this exercise a little differently...

Think about winning a prize.

Think about being happy.

Think about the beach.

Could you see all three? Maybe you will now win a prize vacation to a beach resort where you will be blissfully happy! Keep me posted!

The point of this little exercise is to get you to understand the power of your thoughts and how your thoughts effect your reality. Your mind will create a vision of whatever you think about (or say) and often times what we think about is the opposite of what we want. For instance, if you say, "I don't want to be fat," your mind will zero in on the word "fat" and will instantly create a fat picture of yourself in your head and it will get to work on making your vision a reality. Your mind doesn't recognize the word "don't" - I supposed that if it did, you would end up with a fat picture of yourself with the internatioal sign of Don't on it - you know the one, a red circle with a line through it.

The key is to create thoughts and visions and use words that support what you "do" want. If you are fed-up with being fat, you will find much greater success in reducing your weight if you say, "I want to be thin," or better yet, "I enjoy being healthy and fit." If you want to improve your work environment, focus on thinking about the good things about your job, your co-workers and even your boss. Want to make more money? Focus on getting a raise instead of thinking about how poor you are or complaining about how you don't get paid enough. The key is to focus on what you want and not on what you don't want.

Here's some other common things we say to others that we should change:

"Don't fall" to "Be careful"

"Don't get sick" to "Stay healthy"

"Don't get lost" to "Safe travels"

"Don't be late" to "Be on time"

The old saying is true: What you say is what you get. Your thoughts create action and your actions create results. Go through your day consistenly thinking about your best healthy, wealthy and happy self and set about making it a reality!

Misery loves company

Part of my goal for quitting my job was to get to know my neighbors and acquaintances better and to spend time with family and friends. Over these past few months, I have been learning a lot about people around me – and I am learning it is not always that positive. I am realizing that some people, no matter how good they have it, will find ways to look for the negative side of things and then blow it up and impose it on others. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a new revelation for me. I have known and studied many people like this over the years, but when it hits close to home, being someone not too far removed from my immediate family, it still surprises me.

I just happen to have the opposite personality. I almost always look for the good in every situation and if something happens I don’t approve of or I disagree with, I either let it go and go on about my day or I try to voice my feelings in a non-condemning way and then move on with life. It is obvious that some people go through their day looking and waiting for something to latch onto that they can put a nasty spin on and then blast it out to anyone and everyone they can reach. Why? I don’t understand it. I get it, but I still don’t understand it.

I went to bed thinking about this last night and woke this morning with this idiom, “Misery loves company,” stuck in my head. Unfortunately, it is true that unhappy people like other people to be unhappy too. I suppose the opposite can be said about happy people as well. By nature, I am a happy person and I want other people to be happy too.

Admittedly, I am Pollyannaish (someone who seems always to be able to find something to be "glad" about no matter what circumstances arise - from the best-selling 1913 novel Pollyanna by Eleanor H. Porter), this does not mean I am naïve. I am fully aware there are many people in bad situations right now. I know we are in the middle of a terrible economic state, we are fighting wars in which it is debatable as to whether we should be engaged in, people are losing their jobs, homes, cars, illness and obesity is on the rise… Yes, there is a lot of sadness, death, destruction and devastation in the world – I know that. I also know that even at the lowest times, a negative attitude will only make things worse and a positive attitude can only help make things better or at the very least, tolerable. I have been without a job, I have been at a point where I could barely feed and clothe my daughter and barely had a place to live. I have had a car repossessed, my electricity shut off, all my money taken – I have been there. In each situation, I had to make a choice to stay positive and find a way out of it, or be bitter and wallow around in the self-pity. I chose happiness. I chose to look for the good. Even today, when things are good for me, I choose to look for the lesson in each situation and grow and learn from it. I choose to help other people find happiness and I absolutely refuse to bring others down or associate with those that try to bring me down.

If you are that person who is spiteful and imposes your anger and frustrations out on others, let me ask you – Why? What good is it doing you? Do you know it is making you look bad? Do you realize how shallow and petty you appear to others? Do you know that others feel sorry for you when you do mean and hurtful things? Do you know that you are creating your own misery? Do you know that you are alienating your family and friends? Ask yourself why you choose to be unhappy as well as impose your unhappiness on others, and then take a long hard look at yourself. Are things that bad in your world? Have you seen Iran lately? Maybe you should watch those Feed the Children commercials a few times. How about volunteering some time to work at a homeless shelter or public food kitchen? You need to get out of yourself and see that things are not all that bad. No matter how bad it seems right now, things will ALWAYS get better. It is the natural cycle of life. We have difficult times and we have prosperous times. Each low has a high. I believe we must experience the lows so we can appreciate the highs. I enjoy the highs so much that I strive to find the high in every day. It is there – and always will be.

Please don’t be the Debbie Downer in your circle of family and friends. Be the ray of light that builds people up and gives them hope. Find peace and joy in every stage in your life. Appreciate the moments of joy and accept sadness and defeat as a natural part of life. Refrain from forcing ill will upon others. Look for the good in every situation. Step away from the negative media and influences in your life and try reading something positive – and may I suggest you start with reading Pollyanna.

Boredom Reduces Happiness

Did you know that boredom could reduce your level of happiness? Yep, it can. Think about it. How many times have you completed a routine task or even made it through a portion of your day only to realize you don't remember most of it? It happens a lot, right? So, I have an assignment for you. Before going to bed tonight, write a list of five routine things you do every day that you will change for the rest of the week. It may be your route to work, the coffee you drink, your lunch spot or lunch time, or maybe even part your hair on the other side for a few days. Write down those five things before you go to bed and check them off each day you complete them. This task will require you to engage your brain more than usual thereby reducing boredom and increasing your likely hood for more happy moments in your day. Go ahead – shake things up and let me know how it goes.

Life doesn't have to be easy to still be happy

As we go through life, we will hit hard times and we will feel pain and sadness. Because we are human, we can experience those feelings and express how we feel.  It is important to understand that even at the worst of times, the happiest among us remain happy at the core.  What distinguishes a truly happy person from another not-so-happy person is the ability the happy person has to recognize the negative situation, own the feelings he or she is experiencing and then make a conscious decision to focus on those things that bring happiness.  Essentially, that person replaces the negative feelings with ones that are positive.  Some may think that the person who is happy when they should be in despair is delusional or does not want to accept their reality.  Your reality does not have to dictate your disposition.  If you are down and out and things are looking bad, by focusing on the negative and the gloom you are not going to get yourself out of the mess you are in.  You need to focus on remaining happy, and through your positive attitude, great things will come. 

Let me ask you this:  If you see two homeless people asking for money on the side of the street and one of them is being nasty and spiteful to those passing by, the other one is smiling and cheerful, which one would you be more inclined to help?  You would feel more compelled to help the happier one because that person is sending out a positive vibe and it will make you feel better to help that person.  Now, think about yourself for a moment.  If you are going through a hard time, your attitude and perspective on life and your current state will show through.  If you are positive and upbeat, people in the position to help will be drawn to you and will be more inclined to help you and your situation.   

You may not always have control of your situation, but you do have control of your emotions.  It is possible to be in a bad situation or point in your life and still be happy.  It is up to you to look for the good in everything and commit yourself to being happy even when things get tough.

Faith, Hope and Happiness

How can a person feel happy when the world seems like it is falling apart and cascading down around them and they feel like they are stuck in an avalanche unable to run? I know there are many people who feel this way right now. They feel discouraged, stuck, and paralyzed by fear. They are afraid of losing their job, their benefits, their home, car, etc. How can a person in a situation like that have any hope for feeling happy? There is hope and when there is hope, there can be happiness. The happiness I am referring to is not tied to the desperation and fear one is feeling – it is tied to the hope and faith that through the right actions things will get better.

There have been several points in my life when things looked bad for me. At one point, I went from having a housekeeper to being a housekeeper almost overnight. I could barely feed my daughter and I found out just how creative I could be with the small amount of money and resources we had. During that time though, I remained positive and happy. I could have been miserable and I could have gotten away with it. If I allowed myself to get down in the dumps, certainly everyone would have understood why. They would have been right there commiserating with me as I dug myself deeper in self-pity. For whatever reason, it never occurred to me to take the negative route. Instead, I decided to make a game out of the situation. Every time something came up, like a bill or a broken down car or an empty refrigerator, I would come up with a plan and I would get to working on executing it. As I faced numerous obstacles, I found myself laughing when I should have been in tears, because I knew deep down that this was only a test. I even repeated to myself the public service address, “This is a test. This only a test.” I owed it to myself and to my daughter to remain positive and determined to get us back on our feet. I fought the battles and I am sure I shed a few tears along the way, but at the end of the day, I went to bed happy and proud of myself for not allowing another situation to defeat me.

I knew things would get better and when I came out the other side, I would be stronger and wiser. From it, I learned there is nothing I cannot do. I stayed happy because sad did not appeal to me. Sad is not productive. Sadness deteriorates hope. Hope is what we all need to survive even in the worst of times. Hope is the light at the end of the tunnel and it brings faith. Faith is what provides us with power greater than us. I have always found happiness in knowing that everything happens for a reason and through hope and faith and a little hard work, I will pull through gloriously.
When life is throwing massive crap balls at you – you have a choice. Stand there and take the direct hits or do your best to dodge it. No matter what, you will get crap on you occasionally. When you find yourself in a mess, laugh it off and figure out a way to get out of it. Have faith that no matter how bad it looks right now it will get better. You will get through it. We always do.

Make the decision to be happy no matter how bad things are around you. You will gain strength in happiness. You will also draw the right people to you when you have a happy demeanor. Especially when you are down and struggling, positive and proactive people is what you need to help you through it all.

Through hope, faith and action you can get through the hardest of times and remain happy along the way. I know you can!

What is your face telling the world?

Have you ever walked down the street or through the supermarket with a million and one things on your mind and you realize you have the ugliest scrunched up scowl on your face? You know the look I am talking about. The kind of look that screams, “Don’t bother me; you may be my next victim!” It happens when you get so caught-up in everything you have going on, the tension mounts until you can feel your shoulders tensed up all the way under your earlobes and you notice the innocent fellow shoppers are afraid to make eye contact with you. Okay, so I am exaggerating just a little here, but you understand what I’m talking about, right? I don’t usually get that bad myself. I could though - I am capable of it. Aren’t we all?

Do you know how to prevent that painful, scary look? Smile. It is that simple. If you make it a point to smile at others, you will instantly feel better. I make it a point to smile when I am running errands. I do not like to run errands. Almost hate it in fact. In order to enjoy it more, I go out of my way to smile at others and even strike up conversations with strangers. It is about the only thing that makes the running around bearable for me. I get through my errands and find out interesting bits of information about others and before I know it, I am done with my errands. Lovely.

As you go about your daily activities, notice what your face is telling the world. Remind yourself to smile and make the best of every moment. This takes self-awareness and requires you to step outside yourself, but the rewards are worth it. You will find you enjoyed your day so much better and you may be preventing wrinkles while you are at it.

Smile!

Goal Setting and Happiness

Goal: Be Happy. Is it really possible to make “Be Happy” a goal? If so, how? I do think you can set happiness as a goal, just as if you would set a goal to attain any other worthwhile goal. To be fair though, the actual process of setting that goal may not be as easy as say, losing 10 pounds or running a 5k race. Before we begin the goal setting process, let’s explore some definitions and schools of thought on both happiness and goal setting.

Both Wikipedia and Merriam-Webster Dictionary broadly define Happiness as a state of mind or feeling such as contentment, satisfaction, pleasure, or joy.

Wikipedia defines Goal Setting as long-term vision with short-term motivation. It focuses intention, desire, acquisition of knowledge, and helps to organize resources. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a goal as the end toward which effort is directed.

Since happiness is a state of mind and the mind is ever changing, adapting and evolving according to our life experiences - so is our state of happiness. It is important to be clear that achieving and sustaining a constant state of happiness is all but impossible.

So, how can you set a goal to achieve something that is nearly impossible to reach? Well, you can start by setting a goal to achieve a higher baseline level of happiness than where you are today. According to research done by University of Minnesota, about 50% of one’s satisfaction with life comes from genetic programming or your genetic make-up. That means that your natural disposition to view the glass as half-full or half-empty is largely dependent on your genes. In working with depressed patients, Dr. Aaron T. Beck, President of the non-profit Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research, and University Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania, found that those who are depressed experienced what he calls “automatic thoughts.” He discovered that these thoughts seemed to pop up spontaneously and the thought content fell into three categories: negative ideas about themselves, the world and the future. Dr. Beck began helping patients identify and evaluate their thoughts and found that by doing so, patients were able to think more realistically, which led them to feel better emotionally and behave more functionally. The trick is to catch yourself having the thought, identify it as negative and then learn to change your distorted thinking to thinking that is more realistic. This requires consistency and a behavioral change.

This means that if your happiness baseline is naturally low, you can make it a goal to improve your disposition. It will take effort. If you are one of the lucky ones born with the glass half-full perspective, then you too can set a goal to enhance your level of happiness. You may be able to take it to a new level and set a goal to help others be happy. In either case, goals you are truly committed to achieving and you believe you can attain will be the goals you most likely will achieve. There is a catch – and that catch is that you must then do a minimum amount of work to maintain your new level of happiness. To continue to grow and improve you may also need to set new goals for yourself.

If you decide you want to set happiness as a goal, you need to define what success will look like once you have achieved your goal. This will require you to start with defining what your new level of happiness will look and feel like to you. Because we are all unique individuals, the feeling of happiness is different and distinctive to every person. That which brings joy or pleasure to one person may absolutely repulse another. Unless you have a clear vision of what you want, you will not achieve it. Since happiness is a state of mind, defining it may be the most difficult part of setting this goal. Some small examples of feeling happy may be that you find you have a more positive outlook on things or the ability to find the good in a situation even when others cannot. You may also find that you have a little pep in your step and more energy throughout the day. Being more engaged in what you do and finding ways to make your life feel more meaningful are other ways of finding an increased level of happiness. To help you with this exercise, you can also draw upon previous times or moments in your life where you could say, “I am happy” and then write down what about that experience made you feel that way.

Setting and achieving the goal:

If your overarching goal is to be happy - and you have defined what happy looks and feels like for you, then it is now time to bring it to life just as you would any other goals you set out to achieve. Here are six steps to help you get started on attaining happiness:

1. Write down your goal ‘as if’ you have already achieved it – This may require some creative writing skills, but the idea here is to write down how you will feel once you have achieved the goal. Example: I am proud of myself for the ability to remain positive and happy even when things around me are challenging.

2. Add it to your daily task (to-do) list - Recommit to your goal every day. You will find that your focus and efforts will become habitual over time and may not require the level of effort you have to put forth in the beginning.

3. Find ways to get more pleasure out of life – Do things that make you happy. If music makes you happy, listen to your favorite tunes daily. If your dog makes you happy, take time each day to play, snuggle or otherwise interact with your dog. If volunteer work makes you happy, find a cause you feel passionate about and schedule time to get involved. Whatever it is that brings you moments of joy – do it daily.

4. Post your goal where you can see it - Read it several times a day. Make it a priority and a habit.

5. Visualize it – Even reading the words happy, smile, and fun or seeing pictures of people smiling and doing things you associate with fun will immediately elevate your mood. If you have not created your vision board yet, now may be the time and make sure you incorporate happiness into your vision.

6. Review and evaluate your commitment to your overarching goal regularly - Remember, your goal needs to energize you. It needs to excite you. You will not put the work in to do something in which you are not personally invested. Goal setting requires motivation and personal investment into the achievement of the goal. Ask yourself if you are you committed, excited, and energized by your goal? If the goal is worthwhile, you will find a way to achieve it.

People who set goals are more likely to succeed than people who do not. Therefore, I believe that if you find yourself in a place in life where you desire a higher level of happiness, what better way to get there than by starting with a goal. You deserve happiness – you are worthy of happiness.

To achieve happiness, we should make certain that we are never without an important goal. - Earl Nightingale

Spring Renewal

For many of us the spring season signifies a time of de-cluttering, getting rid of the junk we do not need any more, having yard sales, and deep cleaning the house. We also freshen up our flowerbeds and yards by pulling out or killing off the weeds, planting new flowers and watering it to stimulate new growth and vibrant color. This spring, why not do all of these things (figuratively) within yourself as well?

I encourage you to take some alone time to get inside yourself to sort out some of those thoughts and feelings you are carrying around inside you that are taking up precious space. The things I am referring to are old wounds, doubts, and self-defeating thoughts that are restricting your positive flow of energy and preventing creativity. Here’s a small exercise to help with this: Just like preparing for a yard sale, go through all you ‘stuff’ and separate it all by writing it down in two columns – one is the Keep column and the other is the Release column . Now, take that piece of paper and cut it down the middle vertically so the columns are separate. In a yard sale, you would try to sell your old stuff. Haven’t we been doing that with the stuff on this list for many years anyway, through blame and pity? Haven’t we been trying for years to sell other people on why we are the way we are and deriving our sales pitch content from this Release list? The Release list is the foundation for far too many people. In this case, we don’t want to sell this stuff, we want to haul it off to the dump where it will mingle with everyone else’s unwanted junk and eventually rot away. So, take your Release list, wad it up, shred it, burn it… whatever your preferred method of disposal is, and get rid of it - for good!

Now that you have made room, it is time to freshen up your mind and spirit and plant some new colorful thoughts, dreams and goals. Again, taking out a piece of paper, write down a list of the three main areas of your life in which you want to focus positive energy. For example, this may be family, friends, spirituality, or career or whatever else pops into your mind and heart. This list will be the things in your life you will tend to and focus on so that they will grow and flourish. You will need to care for these things just as you would tend to a garden. It may be important from time to time to weed out the negative things or people in your life so that they do not choke off and kill of your dreams and desires. You will need to nurture your dreams by surrounding yourself with positive people and input. Associate with people who are happy and have a healthy optimistic outlook on life. Read books and listen to speakers who motivate and encourage you to be your best self. The more you fill your mind with positive and uplifting self-talk and thinking, the less opportunity all those old things from your Release list will have to resurface. Just like a garden, if you let it go and do not maintain it, the weeds will come back, the flowers will die and you will have to work extra hard to get it back in shape again. Take stock regularly of the amount of clutter you have accumulated and the vitality of your garden. If you picked up new junk, let it go before it adds up. If the flowers in your garden are losing color, add a little positive input into your life.

As your garden flourishes there will be a point in which you can pick from it and give others in your life beautiful and fragrant bouquets of flowers by becoming one of those people others gravitate to because you make them feel good. You will become that positive and uplifting person you were looking to be around yourself. You may also be able to help others simplify and de-clutter their life and begin to tend to their own flower beds of happiness. It is in giving that you achieve prize-winning flowers.

Focus on the light

Recently someone asked me how I have managed to stay positive even in the most trying times in my life. It seemed like an easy question and I quickly replied by saying I made a decision to be happy and left it at that. Later I began to think about it more and started digging a little deeper inside myself to see how it is that I have found the strength to choose happiness even when times were really bleak. Here is a little of what I have been thinking…

I do believe that there are or will be times in our life when we have to muster the strength to rise above the darkness so that we can move forward in life. It is like finding yourself in a long dark tunnel and all you can see is a tiny pin of light at the end. You can barely see the light, but you know it is there. You trudge through the tunnel, sometimes bumping into walls or tripping over things, but you keep going with your focus on the light and continue to move forward. As you are moving along through the darkness, your eyes get tired from straining to remain focused and you decide to take a break and rest your eyes for a little while. What happens when you open your eyes when you are ready to move forward again? You cannot see the light clearly and you have to intensify your focus until that light becomes clear once again. This may happen several times during your journey, but each time you make the decision to focus and continue to move ahead. Each time it will be easier for you to regain your focus because you are that much closer to the light and it is bigger and brighter now. As you get closer to the end of the tunnel you begin to move a little faster and you take less breaks because you know you are almost there and do not want to stop. Eventually you will get to the end and step out of darkness and into the bright light. You may emerge with a few bumps and bruises and may even find yourself wanting to duck back into the darkness and out of the bright light. Nevertheless, you know your bruises will heal and your eyes will adjust and you will find happiness in it.

Let me ask you this - What kept you moving forward? Was it the light at the end of the tunnel or was it actually faith and hope? Does that light at the end of the tunnel signify an expectation of something, anything better than the darkness? I think it is the belief that things will be better in the end, but right now, in the moment, you know you must keep moving forward or you will never know what lies ahead. That belief requires a tremendous amount of strength and trust. You may stumble and you may need to rest, but you must keep moving forward anyway and you make it through!

I have had my fair share of tunnels to pass through in life and each time I knew I would get through it a stronger and better person for it. You know, as I look back at the darkest days of my life, I seem to really only clearly remember the best parts of it. Call it selective memory if you want, I will accept that – gladly.
Are you in a tunnel right now? Do you know someone who is and may need your help? We can help others see the light at the end of the tunnel and help them understand that with hope, faith and strength they will get through and can find peace and happiness at the other end.

May your journeys be more in the light than the darkness.

Do unto yourself before you can do for others

The title looks a little strange, doesn't it? The Golden Rule (ethic of reciprocity) is a common principle in ancient Greek philosophy and states “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” I’m taking a twist on this age-old rule as it relates to happiness.

Simply put - you cannot give to others what you do not have. You cannot give five dollars to someone if you do not have five dollars yourself and you really cannot share happiness with others unless you have happiness yourself. You need to obtain some degree of happiness so you know what it is, what it feels like, and how you got there and then you can do for others. Many people believe that the path to happiness is by doing for others. They believe that through giving, donating, supporting, and helping they will feel better about themselves and therefore be happy. What generally happens is that the person who searches for happiness by solely giving of their time, efforts, and resources begins to feel drained and resentful. This happens because that person did not have his or her own full happiness tank to draw from. Think about it this way… if you are driving down the road with your gas gauge approaching E and you come across a stranded driver who is completely out of gas, you cannot give that other driver much of your own gas, if any, or you yourself will now be out of gas too. If you make the decision to give the small amount of gas you have away and the other person drives off, neither one of you will make it far before you both become stranded. So, take a proactive look at this. If you had been driving down the road and made the choice to fill your gas tank before you got too low, you would have enough gas in your tank to share with the stranded driver and you could both make it to the next filling station to fill up your tanks. Do you see how this works?

It is important for you to find ways to fill your happiness tank, but many of us do not take the time to do it or maybe they do not know how. If this is the case for you, then you have work to do. You need to identify in life that which makes you happy and then do it. If you do not do it for yourself, you cannot do it for others in the long-term. First, it is important to understand what happiness is before you can achieve it. Happiness is considered a feeling of well-being or contentment and is often times confused with giddy joy or tied to a specific event or point in time. You can experience a specific event that makes you laugh and feel happy, but I want you to find those things that you can do for yourself that help you achieve a sustainable state of happiness. For me, I am happiest when I feel healthy and fit and to achieve that I choose to do physical activities like aerobics and I try to eat healthfully. I can be feeling low and depleted, but a good workout can boost my energy and top-off my happiness tank quickly. I then have the energy and the desire to do for others and then feel even more exhilarated. I also know that every few months I need to attend some sort of event or symposium with other like-minded positive and uplifting people. Those types of events are a super-charge for me and I take away reserves that I can share with others without even tapping into my own full tank. Whatever it is that fills your happiness tank – find it and do it and then, and only then, can you share it with others.

If you take the time to fill your happiness tank first and then give it to others, you will never run dry because with each good deed you will continue to add to your own happiness. Do unto yourself as you would do to others.

Please share your comments about how you fill your happiness tank.

Stedman Graham loves The World Needs More Happy!

I had the exciting opportunity to spend some time with Stedman Graham today and shared the More Happy mission and website with him. It was refreshing to be around someone of his stature who is so down 
to Earth. Stedman agrees that the world does need more happy and
wishes us the best in making it happen! Thanks Stedman!

Your values and happiness

Ask a person what they most want in life and most people will say, “To be happy.” Ask a person what it will take them to reach happiness and you will probably be met with a blank stare or a quick reply of a list of things or possessions. It is common to think a brand new sports car, a house in the right neighborhood, or a Swiss made designer watch will be the thing that finally brings us happiness and yet as many people who have achieved those things know, you do not attain long-term happiness with what you have. The fact is that most people experience an increased level of stress as their material possessions or assets increase, thereby decreasing their overall level of true and lasting happiness. In order to realize a lasting state of happiness and contentment we need to dig deeper into our own personal core value system to discover what matters to us on a fundamental level and then work from there.
Discovering your core values – sounds easy, right? Let’s try something right now. Take out a piece of paper and write down your top ten core values. Remember that core values are those things that you feel are important to you, but are not material in nature. An example of a value is Family. The value is Family and to live according to that value you would spend more time with your kids. Take about five minutes to come up with your top ten - Go!
How did you do? For some this might have been a little bit of a stretch. It is common for us to focus on the things we want to have and confuse those with what we value most. The point is that many people do not really know what they truly value in life and there is a tremendous amount of confusion going on in the world about the difference between values and valuables. Values are internal and valuables are external. Happiness comes from inside (internal).
Once you have a solid list of your values, it is important to decide how you need to live in order to honor and respect your values. Using another example, if Health is one of your top values then you need to make nourishing food choices and incorporate exercise into your daily life to live in accordance with that value. We make hundreds of decisions a day and each time we decide to live in alignment with our values we also increase our potential for a higher level of happiness. Think of it sort-of like the scales of justice – you know the kind of scale with two sides. Think of one side as your happiness plane and the other side as your values plane. The more you add to your values side the higher your happiness side will rise. As you go through your daily life, consider how your decisions affect your happiness scale. Add to your values side and watch your happiness side increase. Act in contradiction with your values and your happiness will diminish. It is a simple concept, but the work is in determining your values and choosing to live every day with your values as your top priority.
You will see that as you continue to live with your values as top-of-mind you will feel more fulfilled and less focused on superficial trappings. Be proud of yourself for doing the work and being true yourself and watch your happiness soar!

Spinning Wheel-Getting caught up in the spin cycle of life

Are you running through life barely keeping up, just going through the motions and doing your best to get it all done? For most of us that is our life - keeping up a frantic pace so we can check off another 'to-do' or get through another meeting, attend another school function with our kids and on it goes. Often times we love to share that long list of things we have to do, places we need to be or how much we've accomplished and how difficult it all is as if we deserve some sort of prize for our crazy hectic life. We get caught up in the whining and complaining, others rush to join in and add their own list of injustices, and so it goes with many more conversations day in and day out. In reality an award or praise is really what we all crave. We want and we need recognition and appreciation and most of us do not even know it. We want a nice home, a decent car and a beautiful family, and we want others to notice and tell us how wonderful it all is. We live in constant fear that if we don't keep up the pace we will lose it all and our identity along with it.

There will be times when you crash. You will lose. You will fail. You may just burn yourself out. Then what? Well, you get back up and get going again, but how about slowing it down a bit this next time and stop the whining while you're at it. I learned this valuable lesson from my dad. A few years ago, I was working at a frantic pace, my family commitments were in high gear with my daughter in her senior year in high school, and my husband’s new business was just taking off. One evening I was talking with my mom on the phone while my dad listened in on the other line. I was going through the long list of things I had to do and places I had to be and the injustice of it all when my dad, who is a man of few words calmly said, "Don't let your spinning wheels drive you crazy." I was stunned. Immediately that old song Spinning Wheel, by Blood, Sweat & Tears popped into my head. I knew the song, but I didn't really know what it meant - so of course I Googled it. As you read these lyrics below, ask yourself how the meaning of each verse applies to you and your life.

What goes up must come down
spinning wheel got to go round
Talking about your troubles it's a crying sin
Ride a painted pony
Let the spinning wheel spin

You got no money, and you, you got no home
Spinning wheel all alone
Talking about your troubles and you, you never learn
Ride a painted pony
let the spinning wheel turn

Did you find a directing sign
on the straight and narrow highway?
Would you mind a reflecting sign
Just let it shine within your mind
And show you the colors that are real

Someone is waiting just for you
spinning wheel is spinning true
Drop all your troubles, by the river side
Catch a painted pony
On the spinning wheel ride

Someone is waiting just for you
spinning wheel is spinning true
Drop all your troubles, by the river side
Ride a painted pony
Let the spinning wheel fly

Blood, Sweat & Tears band member and vocalist David Clayton-Thomas, wrote Spinning Wheel. Clayton-Thomas was quoted as describing the song as being "written in an age when psychedelic imagery was all over lyrics...(i)t was my way of saying, 'Don't get too caught up, because everything comes full circle'."

It goes to show you that life-changing events do not have to be huge. Your life or at least your current version of life can change with one simple statement or event. The statement "Don't let your spinning wheels drive you crazy" from my dad and the lyrics from Spinning Wheel changed my outlook on life in so many ways. I now monitor myself and when I feel caught up in the spin cycle of life I step back and evaluate things. I take the time to reflect upon what is important and fits with my values. Mostly, I slow down and look for the direction signs that shake me and guide me through life. I know there are many precious and happy moments I let pass me by over the years because my focus was on all the busy work in front of me. I will never get that time back, but thankfully I learned my lesson and now I make a conscious effort to slow down, stay in the present and focus on what is real and valuable to me.

I have also learned to share all the good and positive of my day and leave the icky, gory details out of it. Negativity is reinforced by reliving it and what you focus on expands. You want to focus on the positive, happy details of your day and be grateful for them. Even if the happy moments are the smallest part of your day, remember them and celebrate them later in conversations. You will begin to notice more and more people will want to be around you because your positive attitude and happier disposition will draw them in. Like attracts like.

Take it easy on yourself and enjoy all the small moments in your life because they add up significantly. Focus on what makes you feel good and increases your overall happiness. Find the 'Happiness Opportunities' and celebrate them!

Please take a moment to listen to Spinning Wheel here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8T97f2kBzOQ

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Your thoughts and comments are welcome. Thank you!

Worthiness

Do you believe you deserve to be happy? I mean really happy. Being able to answer this question with a resounding "Yes!" is fundamental for you to ever truly achieve true and lasting joy. Believe it or not, there are people out there (and more than you may realize) who don't think they are worthy of happiness and they don't even realize it.

Most likely you have a few people in your life - maybe a family member, friend, co-worker, or you - who stumbles through life claiming they are 'trying' to be happy. Then just when it looks like they may have found a reason, maybe a small reason, but yet it's still a reason by most standards, for happiness - poof! it's gone. Why is it gone? Usually there is a long list of unavoidable reasons why that chance for happiness tragically vanished. In digging deeper you would probably learn that the person sabotaged their own chance for some time to bask in the warm spotlight of peace and joy. Consciously or not, it is most often self-destruction that prevents true happiness.

There are those that feel most comfortable in a dark place of pain and sadness. Their pain may be quiet despair, but it's there. I call this the Eeyore Syndrome. Remember Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh? No matter how beautiful the day or how happy everyone around him was, poor, poor Eeyore was eternally sad and determined to stay that way.

It may be impossible to change the Eeyore's in our own life, but we can change ourselves. We first need to embrace our own worthiness and allow ourselves to enjoy life and all it has to offer. Unfortunately, this isn't a single decision you make once and then you are done with it. We are faced with making the decision for happy over sad several times over the course of a day. In any given day we are faced with the decision of looking for the good and right in the world or turning away from that and moving towards the darker, gloomier side. Become aware of the daily "happiness opportunities" in your life and take them. Don't shun them or let them pass you by.

I encourage you to write a list of the reasons why you are worthy of happiness. Look deep inside yourself and appreciate all the good within you that deserves peace and joy. You might even write yourself a love letter detailing all the wonderful things about you that make you special and worthy of unconditional love. Keep that list or letter with you or in a place where you can read it regularly. If you begin to feel sad or defeated take it out and read it again and again. And Yes - You are worthy of happiness!

Decision Crossroads

Happiness is doing what you want to do versus what you are supposed to do. I heard this quote today on the popular television show House. I was struck when I heard that line and it made me think...
So many people are walking through life numb and acting as passive participants in their own life. They are doing what is expected or safe. They are missing out on happiness and many people don't even know it. They trudge through their days - quietly accepting life as is and doing it all over again the next day. Some people never breakout of their quiet desperation - some do.

I recently resigned from my job to find my true purpose. In the beginning it wasn't an easy decision. I had a really good job working for a great company with some wonderful co-workers and a very comfortable salary. As with anything, there were aspects of my job that I didn't enjoy. And at the end the scale of pain and comfort was swaying heavily on the side of pain. I was at a point in my life where I had to decide if I should continue on this same path or do something different. I always knew I wanted to do something on my own, but I just didn't know what that would be. I didn't even know for sure what I would do when I quit my job and may still not clearly know.

I will always remember the exact moment I made the final decision to resign. It was a moment in time when I realized I was completely disconnected from the role I was in and the passion wasn't there anymore. I knew deep in my soul that it was time to move on. I knew that if I stayed I would be cheating the company with fake interest and enthusiasm. Most importantly - I would be cheating myself. I felt a calming peace during the final days with the company and an excitement in my belly that I hadn't felt since I was a young child full of wonder.

A friend is currently struggling with a similar major life and career decision. Right now there are countless others searching to find the courage to take the path leading to true fulfillment and happiness. Sometimes the path to true fulfillment has many twists and turns and not a straight shot. Each fork in the road is a decision point and the best we can do is make the best decision we can at the time with the information available. The worst thing is to do nothing and continue through life in quiet desperation.

I have chosen to be an active participant in my own life. I'm looking forward to all the wonderful joys life has in store for me!

Party Conversation

Last night I went to a friends house for a jewelry party. I could stop right there and you can imagine it was a happy event for me - friends and jewelry are a perfect combo! Anyway - getting back to the point... While visiting with new friends the topic of the conversation moved into all the different challenges in our lives today. I quickly told everyone about The World Needs More Happy website and the best thing happened - the whole conversation changed to laughs and giggles and one person even said she got chills! It was so rewarding to share this site with my new friends and see how good it made others feel just in knowing there is a happy place out there for them to visit, interact with and meet others.

I'm very grateful for all of the wonderful things that have happened that have allowed me to take an idea into a reality in such a short time - 3 weeks tomorrow! I am blessed and grateful!

Have a More Happy Day!

Feather In Your Wings

I have two wonderful parents who taught me the importance of helping others. By example they taught me that helping may be as simple as holding the door for someone or helping an elderly person with their bags at the grocery store. Then there are other times when it takes a little more effort on your part such as donating blood or raising money for a worthy cause.

My parents have a little saying they tell each other each time one of them goes out of his or her way to help someone else - they say you just earned "another feather in your wings!" I think that is a beautiful way to acknowledge good deeds both outwardly and as a form of self-appreciation.

I also believe there is another level in gathering feathers for your wings and that is earning golden feathers for deeds that go above and beyond when giving of yourself in helping others.

I personally would like my wings to be full and fluffy with just the right amounts of gold accents when the time comes that I need them. Take a moment to think about how full your wings are right now. How many feathers are in your wings?

Thank you Mom & Dad :)

It's a New Day!

I am so excited to launch The World Needs More Happy and I appreciate you joining us! The saying, "The World Needs More Happy" is something I've been saying for a long time and with the creative design work from my husband, Tommy, we put More Happy together as a way of creating a little Happy Place on the web for other people who also need a little More Happy in their lives. We want this site to be a place for you to interact and share in uplifting experiences. Please look at More Happy as your own - where you can meet up with current friends and hopefully meet some new like-minded friends as well. This site will flourish and offer a much richer experience with the input of everyone and through interaction in the groups, forums, and chats. Please join me in spreading the word about The World Needs More Happy and have fun while you are here! This site is an infant right now and I am open to your suggestions and feedback so that you will truly find this a Happy Place that adds value to your daily life.

To keep this site a Happy Place I ask that respect and dignity be observed while posting. We reserve the right to remove any vulgar or degrading postings immediately. We will make every effort to work with those that are perceived as offensive as we do respect differing views and the right to be heard. Remember, The World Needs More Happy is designed to be a Happy Place and should be honored as such.

My sincerest appreciation to you for joining us and I can't wait to get to know you! ~Angie